Schmidt Syndrome: An Uphill Battle Against Myself

I was maybe 18 years old when my mom passed away. She would often complain of being tired and say she is tanning by sitting indoors. This was back in the 1970's when North America did not understand Addison's disease the way we do today.  Schmidt syndrome is an autoimmune disorder where there is a loss of function of the adrenal glands and the thyroid. 

When I was in my 20s I was diagnosed with Schmidt syndrome, similar to my mom. 

Prior to my diagnosis, I noticed weight loss even though I was eating a lot, I was so tired, my skin pigment became darker especially around my knees and mouth. I recognized that my mom had similar features but I kept putting off seeing my doctor. I think at that time I was in denial and not fully recovered from losing my mom. 

The day that forced me to face my diagnosis was when I had my first adrenal crisis. I was walking by the river near University Hospital when I suddenly felt severe belly pain, started vomiting and felt faint. My friends carried me to the emergency room, but at this point I was so disoriented I had no idea where I was or what was happening. I was told that I have Schmidt's syndrome.

Now I take replacement hormones to protect myself from another crisis. I have to be vigilant and make sure I take my medications on time and take extra dose if I am in a stressful situation. I have a little kit where I keep my cortisol injection so if I do face physical stress from commuting or activities I can give myself the life saving boost if needed.

Prior to all of this, I was a hiking enthusiast and often enjoyed time in Banff. Now knowing the stress this activity can place on my body I became fearful. I remember that same summer visiting Banff, I stood frozen in front of the start of the Sulfur mountain trail. I was imagining what it would be like to stand at the summit with the fresh mountain air filling up my lungs with every heavy breath and the views that would try to take my breath away. 

But I could not...

It wasn't until a few years later when my endocrinologist talked me through my disease and provided me with instructions on my cortisol shots that I started to increase my outdoor activities. To really test myself, I decided to travel to Europe with my significant other. I was able to monitor my stress and medication needs. At the end, I faced amazement to the fact that I was able to enjoy Europe without an adrenal crisis. This experience helped me regain confidence in my body. I felt empowered and in control for the first time since the diagnosis. 

My one take away for anyone reading this is you can overcome the challenges imposed on you. Yes it sucks at first. But like hiking up a mountain, there will be times when you want to quit or sit down and feel sorry for yourself for even starting. You are allowed to sit down and take the time you need, but do not give up. Take control of this body given to you and keep going. I promise you the view from the top is always worth it. 

        

-Anonymous

It's Me Against 'That' Pain: Endometriosis

We have been on the look out for stories!! In a search for more stories we came across a wonderful story of motivation and strength since a young age. Endometriosis is a condition too often experienced by females of reproductive age. Individuals with this condition can present without any symptoms or be faced with cyclical episodes of severe and often debilitating pain. 

As many of you may already be aware, menstruation comes with cramping pains of its own. In endometriosis the pain can be quite the horrifying experience and many females across the globe experience this regularly. As mentioned above, the symptoms of this condition vary across a wide range from minimal to significantly severe. Often individuals are diagnosed based off of their pain history and physical exam. Imaging may indicate other features of the condition but often does not offer a definitive diagnosis. Due to the estrogen dependent nature of endometriosis, many females choose to consider hormonal contraceptives (birth control) or pain medications such as ibuprofen as a way to deal with the pain. Moreover, surgical management has been reserved for extremely severe cases due to the complications that surgery imposes to patients. For this reason, many individuals continue to struggle with this condition. 

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I’ve had endometriosis since I started menstruating at the age of 11 years old. I had the most debilitating periods filled with extreme pain, constant vomiting, and being bed ridden for at least 1-2 days a month. I missed out on school, extracurricular activities, friend and family events, and celebrations because of my condition. However every time we sought a professional opinion, my mom and I faced a dismissal with  “it’s normal”.

Really? Your body being in undeniable pain for days on end, month after month, year after year…is normal? I could not rest not knowing what was wrong with me and something was wrong, I was certain. 

Around the time I was 13 or 14 I was reading a women’s magazine my mom had laying around and one article was talking about something called endometriosis. I hardly knew how to pronounce the word so having heard about it was out of the question. As I read the article, my heart started beating quicker and my palms began sweating. They were explaining each and every symptom that I suffered with for the last few years. I wanted to cry with relief. There was finally an answer to what was wrong with me. 

But there was no cure. To this day it is a very misunderstood and understudied disease despite it affecting millions of women worldwide. Statistics show that 1 in 10 women have some form or stage of endometriosis. That is 10% of women worldwide. And yet we don’t have many answers. It takes a women easily 10-15 years to be diagnosed. 

The same was true for me. Despite having an inkling that I had this disease, I received no confirmation. If anything I faced denial of acknowledgement of my complaints and pain. They said the only medication was birth control. 

So time went on. I got older, I graduated university and got a job but my monthly visitor brought pain and tears every single time. I continued to miss out on classes, exams, extracurriculars and everything else. One time I was even bedridden on my 20th birthday. I was so internally upset that my body was failing me like this and no one could help me. I was missing out on life. 

I am still working hard to understand my body and work slowly on changes to better myself. It has been a long and very turning journey and the finish line is still not in sight. I try to remain as positive as I can and lean on the people that can understand me, my pain and how’s it’s shaped my life. In a way I’m also thankful to this disease. It’s taught me patience and empathy and blessed me with a never give up attitude. Yes, I still don’t have my disease under control but I try every single month again and again in hope of relieving myself. And the day will definitely come. 

I don’t just hope it will, I know it will!   

                                                                                                            - Anonymous

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Interested in more information. Check out this website with detailed information on endometriosis, symptoms, diagnosis, and management: https://www.uptodate.com/contents/endometriosis-beyond-the-basics

                                                                                                            - D & R

Cystic Fibrosis: 65 roses

Hello, I am a 25 year old cystic fibrosis warrior. CF is a genetic disease of the lungs and sometimes other body systems as well. I was diagnosed with CF at birth and since then I have experienced CF as a child, teenager and now an adult.   Although, today I have a more optimistic outlook and found my rhythm with CF, this was not the case at first. I struggled with making my peace with my diagnosis and getting to the mindset I have today. In no way am I suggesting that this is an easy process. 

I wanted to title this "65 roses" to honor the story of a 4 year old boy with CF who innocently mispronounced cystic fibrosis as 65 roses. 

Side note, I enjoy quotes and writing, a fact that you may notice as you take this short walk into what my life has been like.

I would like to begin by sharing one of the biggest challenges I have faced  as an adult with CF. I have struggled immensely with balancing the constant need for medical care and living life. From daily treatments to regular check-ups and hospitalizations, it  felt like a full-time job. During my childhood my parents took charge of my medications, physiotherapy, and diet, leaving me to enjoy the backseat of my medical care.  However, now that I am an adult, I find myself trying to find the perfect routine to take my medications, do my hypertonic saline and physiotherapy, all the while balancing my work and social life. 

Living life like this at times has been taxing and thoughts of giving up have crossed my mind. But here's the thing: it's worth it. 

I found that taking care of my health allowed me to feel so much more in control. Sure, my friends do not have meds and physio, but they do have morning routines. I follow a specific diet, but I find myself becoming more creative with the meals I prepare for myself. When I started looking at my medical routine in this light, it became easier for me.

A challenge that is not spoken of is advocating for your care. One of the most important things I've learned as an adult with CF is the power of self-advocacy. Nobody knows my body and my needs better than me, and it's up to me to speak up and ask for the support I need. Whether it's advocating for healthcare providers to try something different or better healthcare policies -the cost of some of my medications are crazy- or asking for accommodations at work. I've learned that my voice matters and that I have the power to make a difference. As Maya Angelou once said, "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." Living with CF has taught me to be resilient and to never give up, no matter how tough things may get.

Another important challenge was isolation. Living with CF as an adult is tough, thus finding a supportive community is vital. As the African proverb says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." Whether it's connecting with other CF patients online or attending support groups and events, having a network of people who understand what I'm going through has been extremely vital. It's a nice reminder that I'm not alone in this journey.

Living with CF isn't just about medical care and community - it's also about finding joy and meaning in everyday life. For me, that means pursuing my passions, whether it's writing, cooking, or spending time with my loved ones. It means finding beauty and wonder in the world around me, even on the toughest days. 

I often think about this quote that I saw in my doctors office, "life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

So to anyone out there living with CF or any other chronic condition, know that you're not alone. You're strong, capable, and deserving of a full and fulfilling life. Keep fighting, keep advocating, and keep living your best life - one day at a time. 

                                                                                                                                - Anonymous 

Snap, Crackle, and Pop: Knee Dislocations

Hello again! Did you miss us? We missed you too! The last few months have been a rollercoaster but we are back now with more stories, more reflections, and more perspectives! We won't give you anything except the most empowering stories and inspiring reflections. We are back and we are hoping for more learning for us and for you!

To start off after a long hiatus we bring you a story from an individual with battle scars of strength. Joint dislocations are scary. Imagine constant dislocations. You don't get used to it, it still remains scary with additional anticipation fear of the next one. They are not as easy as popping the joint back into place. So many muscles, ligaments, blood vessels become displaced and possibly injured requiring an ER visit or admission. Read their story! 

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"Just out of the blue, one day "POP" as I went running down the hill with my cousin. I was told it was nothing to worry about but a few years later that left knee just wouldn't behave, and it kept popping out with its friend, the right knee, following by example. Sometimes symptoms don't have a diagnosis and this one was one of those situations. There was no syndrome or condition to name the frequent knee pops and dislocations I was experiencing. Perhaps it was a combination of accelerated growth and ligament stretch combined with a shallow kneecap and knocked knees. 

I vividly remember my first knee dislocation. I could not move! The pain was unbearable. The fear ever more overpowering. My young brain could only foresee amputation, and nothing was more scary than the fear of losing a whole leg. 

This all just became a very annoying and frequent field trip to the ER. The doctors there probably knew me by name at some point. I felt fortunate to have a great support system at home and in school. My friends would carry my backpack and binders as I hopped down the hall with my crutches. Then finally when I was in Grade 6, the orthopedic surgeon recommended knee braces. Oh man were those ever the most cumbersome, unappealing, unattractive things ever created. No outfit I wore could make me feel comfortable in those beasts. The elementary kid in me just wanted to look like everyone else and not be asked questions when I was unable to participate in Phys-ed or track & field. It was such an isolating experience to not be able to partake in all those athletic school events. 

In grade 8 I decided to join badminton. Everyone else at school was involved in sports so why not me!? But this was very short lived, as close to the start of badminton classes I had another dislocation. The only thoughts in my head "I can't even have this without something going wrong. I can't do any sport".

At that time my physiotherapist suggested that I try swimming and cycling. My dad and I started cycling together and we haven't looked back since. In the summer of 2015 and 2016 I got two patellofemoral reconstruction surgeries. With 6 weeks of rest, i was back to learning how to walk. I remember my physiotherapist told me "You are my 6th patient who has had this surgery and i have never had a failure", and I was not going to be his first. I was determined, I was motivated!

I have spent months strengthening my knees with Pilates, uphill walks to work, and cycling with dad. I have spent time cultivating my hope that things will work out. My trust in physio has grown and believe me when I say IT ACTUALLY WORKS! Still not fully convinced that everything is okay but I feel like it is better than before. It is still a work in progress and maybe I will never be able to run, but that will not stop me from reaching the destination!!"

                                                                                                            - Anomymous

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Exploring Men's Mental Health - Movember

Movember is an annual event that occurs during the month of November to raise awareness for men's health issues. Encompassing such as prostate cancer to mental health. Whether you are growing a moustache this November or not, it is equally important to recognize men's health concerns that are often unspoken of in regular conversation. Specially we want to focus on the current conversations around men's mental health. 

Mental health is a complex topic and often one attached with significant stigma. Men's mental health has significantly struggled in the past due to stigma and societal expectations, but we are seeing it slowly come to the forefront in recent times. Awareness and action is a joint effort so, regardless of facial hair and gender, this Movember is a time to reflect on how we all can understand our own mental health and be of assistance to those around us. 

We want to share a very special story to emphasize the importance of Movember and Men's mental health this month. Adrian Teare is a passionate advocate for men's mental health and offers his insight and support to everyone going through any ups or downs in life. We encourage you to reflect on the following concepts discussed by Adrian and recognize your support systems, because YOU are not alone!

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"I have participated in Movember in some form or another for the past several years. Originally, I just wanted an excuse to put my masculinity to the test by growing facial hair, which I quickly discovered was a fruitless venture. But over the years I began to delve more into the significance of this month of men’s health awareness, particularly as I began to find myself drawn to shining light on men’s mental health. 

Mental health has seen a significant increase in attention over the past several years and has entered the public discourse in a meaningful and productive way. I have been so encouraged by this as a young man and am myself a proud benefactor of a variety of mental health services which have vastly improved my quality of life. However, this is not the case for everyone. While on my psychiatry rotation, I encountered two different gentlemen who were admitted due to suicidal ideation and attempts. I was astonished that this was their first encounter with mental health services. It had reached the point where they no longer felt they could continue to live before they finally accessed services. Furthermore, both of them expressed to me several times how embarrassed they were to find themselves in this position. They described seeking help for their mental health as making them feel weak. This broke my heart because this is such a common theme when it comes to men’s mental health. I have encountered countless other young men who refuse to access mental health services because they believe it is an admission of weakness. I know, because I was one of these young men for a long time. 

So much of this comes back to how masculinity has been defined in our society. Men have historically had an unwritten expectation to put on an impenetrable armour each and every day and never show any signs of weakness or vulnerability. Be the stoic provider who never cries, never shows fear, and absolutely never asks for help. While this may have been a survival technique historically, we are now past the era of needing to rely on such tactics. Yet despite this, it is mentality that persists for so many men. 

Anyone who grew up playing competitive sports, or spent time in a high school gym locker room, will have early core memories of toughness and machismo being the currency by which the world of men operated. To show a softer and more vulnerable side was deemed less desirable and so the best option was to put up a façade, which reflected what their surroundings had told them it looked like to “be a man”. As someone who grew up in this culture and never felt traditionally “masculine” I am acutely aware of how much shame can exist around being sensitive and emotional in the world of men. As a result, when I began to first experience my own challenges with mental health, my fellow men were the last people I considered turning to. This is a huge barrier to many men receiving the help they need. We just don’t talk to each other about this stuff as much as we should. I have had some beautiful experiences in recent years where I’ve shared my own struggles with mental health to a male friend and I’ve seen a look of relief flood across their face as they come to the realization that they are not alone. Sometimes the best support is to know that you’re not alone, that others have made it through this and are willing to help them do the same. 

I always found it fascinating that even myself, a man who is quite in touch with his emotions and has become much more comfortable with vulnerability about my mental health, had an incredibly difficult time asking for help when I needed it. I resisted counselling for years because I was embarrassed to admit to a professional that I actually had problems that I couldn’t manage alone. I resisted starting medication for even longer, despite the fact that I was learning about the very real benefits of these medications in school and would have recommended them to a friend or family member in a heartbeat. In my mind, I still felt like taking medication was “giving up” or admitting “weakness” in some way. When I began to finally start taking medication, I noticed myself hiding it from people. That is how deep the stigma runs. I felt an inexplicable shame around my challenges with mental health, a shame that I would have continued to struggle with in silence and alone had I not been pushed to seek help by some incredible people in my life. 

That is the true tragedy of men’s mental health, so many are struggling in silence and many don’t have the people that I had to push and support them. It has been well documented in countless studies that men are far more likely to complete suicide than women. The gentlemen I saw in the inpatient psych ward were the lucky few who were saved from an untimely death by emergency mental health services. It should never get to this point. Your first encounter with mental health support services should never be the emergency room or the psych ward. If we find ourselves reacting to crises like this so frequently, it is a sign that something is not right with mental health care and the support we are currently offering the men in our society. More importantly, something is not right with the way our society has built in gender norms and stereotypes which make so many men resistant to seek help. 

Folks that have discussed this topic with me before know I could talk about this ad nauseum, because it has become such an area of passion for me. There are single conversations I have had over the course of my life that I can point to as life altering for myself, and if I can be that conversation for one of my fellow men struggling with their mental health then that is more than enough reason for me to keep talking about this every time I am presented with an opportunity. Words can save lives. 

So this month, if you’re growing a moustache for Movember, let that moustache be a conversation starter. If someone asks you why you are growing, take that opportunity to share with them the importance of men’s mental health.

The more this conversation permeates into our society, the more we will move towards a place where the shame and embarrassment that plagues so many men when it comes to seeking help will fade away. On a personal note, if any of my male friends, peers, colleauges, etc have a chance to read this, please know that if you need to talk I am always more than happy to listen to what you have to say and share insights from my own personal experiences, for whatever those are worth. You are not alone!

Adrian Teare - Phone: 306-380-0697 Email:akt801@gmail.com"

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Take a moment at sometime this month to look back at your strengths, your accomplishments, your support systems, your emotions and times of feeling low. How did you deal with the ups and downs?Look around you, you are not alone. Please reach out to your supporters, counsellors, us at InvincibleWeAre or Adrian Teare, because we want to listen to you and be there for you in your low moments and your happy ones. 

~ D&R

Painting My Pain - Chronic Pain Awareness Week

Chronic pain, as the word implies, is a constant, never-ending experience. November marks the beginning of chronic pain awareness week and InvincibleWeAre is proud to hop on the awareness train to spread chronic pain awareness, resources, and stories to you all. 

What is pain? It is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with potential tissue damage. We all feel pain, it is a protective mechanism. The pain experience depends on an individuals situation. 

Chronic pain is not related to tissue damage. It's like a car alarm going off without a definitive reason. Similar to a car alarm, chronic pain can be distressing! it occurs when a sensitized nervous system sends pain signals, even though all the blood work and imaging is normal.

What is this connection between the brain and pain? Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to recognize and rewire. This allows us to master skills, for example learning to play a sport or piano. Repeated practice allows the brain to rewire itself. However, a super sensitive nervous system repetitively sends pain signals to the brain. This continuous repetition creates a pathway for pain signals to reach the brain with more ease. This is known as maladaptive neuroplastic change. LIke a bad habit, this maladaptive change can be addressed. 

Why is chronic pain important to learn about? Many, Many, Many people around the world struggle with chronic pain, and most of them silently. 

• 8 Million people in Canada live with chronic pain
• 1 in 5 Children struggle from chronic pain leading to missed school and activities

Chronic pain is disproportionately represented in people with lower socioeconomic status, those living with mental health conditions, those working in trades or veterans who have experienced trauma, people with disabilities, and women. 

Chronic pain is a real and ongoing battle. It may not seem like a tangible concept to some, but knowing that it exists and can be distressing is an important step to understanding the millions of people around us to struggle with chronic pain on a daily basis. 

Painting by Pain by RA

"A crushing weight of loneliness sits on my shoulder, I long to share my pain, but words go amiss.

I decide to paint my pain

I find the fiercest of red to paint the center of the canvas, with uncontrolled strokes, the center of the canvas begins to radiate the burning sensation that consumes me.

I am drawn to the brightest and most blinding silver, without a second thought linear strokes are made harshly and randomly to the canvas. I can sense the shooting pains that can make a grown person wince.

With a dash of purple to the edges of the canvas, the bruising and numbness caused by my pain are displayed. 

To complete the painting, a splash of black is added for the agonizing loneliness my pain has caused.

Today I painted my pain.

I found myself avoiding yellow, blue, green. All the colors of joy and a possible beautiful day in the meadow scenery. 

Today I painted my pain. 

I felt a great relief"

Helpful resources:

Caring for Chronic Pain

Pain Canada Resources

                                                                                   

                                                                                ~InvincibleWeAre, D&R

Mission Invincible: Meet the Editors

Alone we can accomplish so little, with a partner we can accomplish so much and with a team our  accomplishments are boundless.  

Without our editorial team our InvincibleWeAre initiative is incomplete. 

So today we would like to introduce a few of our very dedicated and motivated new editors to the team. While we cannot introduce all of them here today, we recognize the behind-the-scenes efforts our editors have put into every post you will read in the future. Simply put, they are the much needed heart to our mission. Below we present to you a few anonymous introductions from the editors themselves and what keeps them motivated!

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"After a summer of qualitative research on patients’ illness experiences, I knew I wanted to find an outlet to continue amplifying patient voices. When I heard that the InvincibleWeAre team was looking for volunteer editors, I had to join the team!" ~R.S

"Throughout my professional and personal life, I have learned that teamwork in a healthcare setting is crucial, and that the most important part of that team is always the patient. Every time I meet a patient, I make an effort to understand them as a whole person, and to advocate for their care to be tailored to their individual needs, preferences, and values. Patients are so much more than the sum of their medical conditions. After hearing about the InvincibleWeAre team reinforcing the importance of patient-centered care by creating a space for patients to share their stories, I knew that this was a team I wanted to be a part of. In addition to believing in the principles of this group, I am also happy to be able to learn from these patient voices by reading their stories as an editor!" ~M.S.

"I joined the InvincibleWeAre team to listen to, learn from, and help amplify patient voices. It is fascinating to me how everyone – strangers, passers-by, patients in hospital lobby waiting rooms or beds – has a story that is as complex and vivid to them as mine is to me. And as a future healthcare provider, I realize that eliciting patient narratives is requisite for practicing individualized, compassionate, and holistic medicine, and beyond that, for connecting with patients, one human to another. I am grateful to the patients willing to share their stories – their experiences, their triumphs, and their pain – and hope that InvincibleWeAre makes them feel seen and heard. Undoubtedly, their voices are a source of strength for those with similar stories and insight for care providers on the other side of the hospital bed." ~N.D.

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Together with this growing InvincibleWeAre team we are eager to keep you engaged with more anonymous personal stories and reflective pieces.

Nothing Can Stop Me: Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus

You must remember our previous story on Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus - this next anonymous submission is a story about Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus. While these two conditions share similarities in the pathophysiology, they are two vastly different entities with regards to patients' lived experiences. 

Type 2 Diabetes is caused by complex interactions between genetic and environmental factors. Similar to Type 1, this disease have everything to do with that pesky little molecule, insulin. Insulin is a key player in managing our blood sugar levels in a narrow range. A few extra molecules of sugar, in the form of glucose in the blood can be catastrophic for an individual, so insulin plays a very critical role. Without insulin, imagine the body like a ticking bomb, where just one extra molecule of sugar and life's on the line. In Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus, cells in the body become "insulin resistant" meaning they are no longer able to respond to insulin in order to remove sugars from the blood stream. Without any effective method to remove circulating sugars from the bloodstream, every meal adds to the sugar levels. This has dramatic effects on every system in the body, including those involved with the kidney, brain and heart. Staying healthy becomes a daily task almost comparable to needing to think about taking every breath rather tan breathing automatically. 

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"I immigrated to Canada at a time when everything was going well back home, but we wanted a new opportunity. Before setting foot in Canada, I had not imagined the emotional, physical, and family stresses of being a new immigrant. At that time I was vaguely aware of my diagnosis of high blood pressure and diabetes. However, with the burden of work and adjusting to a new country, my health was the least of my priorities. I would work 20 hour days to make ends meet. With a hectic schedule, regular exercise was a struggle. My health began to deteriorate. 

One year after immigrating I was officially diagnosed with diabetes and started on medications. With work stress still looming above my head, earning for my family was my top priority and my body was the lowest on my list. So once again, health took a backseat. On top of this, the medications I had been prescribed were just not suited for my body. They were making me gain weight; nothing I would do could bring the numbers on the weigh scale lower. 

With my BMI creeping above 35 and added thyroid and cholesterol complications, I was recommended to get gastric sleeve surgery. Oh, it made the difference I was looking for but only for about 2 years. During this time, moving to a new place and starting a new job brought me back to the beginning with increased work stress and little time to maintain the good habits I had managed to develop over the last few years. 

With as many diagnoses as I have and with no end in sight, because that's what Diabetes does to you, it is inevitable that these conditions can push you down physically and mentally into some darkroom. But I am thankful and so grateful for my biggest tool in the toolbox that has kept me strong mentally through all these winding roads of life. After all "a strong mind can carry a weak body, but only having a strong body cannot carry a weak mind". The Art of Living Stress Management program provided me with the perfect combination of meditation and yoga to get above the negativities that were keeping me pinned down. With the Sudarshan Kriya my mind was no longer in constant fear of what next disease my diabetes would make me prone to. 

I truly believe that building inner strength and having faith that there is a higher power taking care of you is so important to overcoming obstacles with a smile. Meditation offered me that boost of inner strength that I was longing for but could not find anywhere else. 

I know whatever has happened in the past cannot be changed. It was bound to happen with all the factors at play in life, but I know I can improve the future. I have started to find balance and have raised physical health higher on my priority list. Scheduling ongoing pickle-ball games, going for walks, and being considerate of my diet have all become more important for me. Above all, after experiencing the side effects of medications, I took my health in my own hands and searched out alternative ways for healthy recovery. I believe that while medication has it's strengths, it is not the end-all be-all. Without lifestyle, mental wellness and nutritional changes it is impossible to obtain true recovery one would aim for. Medications just cannot help you unless you first help yourself!! That has become my motto, and over the years I have read through various research articles, visited homeopathic and Ayurvedic doctors, all in an attempt to understand myself and how my body works.

When people see all the conditions I have they ask "How do you smile?"; "It's not impossible" I say. 

                                                                                    - Anonymous

Constant and Continuous: Chronic Back Pain

It is all too often that we may underestimate the symptoms associated with chronic conditions, especially when acutely symptomatic individuals seem to be in more distress. This week we aim to shed light on chronic pain which is all too often overlooked. 

Chronic Pain: Several factors can affect an individuals feeling and perception of pain including physical and psychological factors. Chronic pain is known to arise from various stressors to the body including trauma, infections, or autoimmune conditions. With ongoing chronic pain, significant impacts on the quality of life can be experienced by individuals usually at the expense of their own enjoyment and ability to function. Chronic pain is not something to underestimate as merely a "feeling". Several neurological changes in the body cause the body to become more and more sensitive to an ongoing pain stimulus. And often the progression of this sensitivity never recovers with individuals finding themselves combating the pain for the rest of their life. 

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"As an adult in their early 30s, I wake up feeling like I have been hit by 80 years of life. I am exaggerating, but some days it truly feels like so. 

In my late teens I was part of a car crash. Everyone in the car, including myself, survived. However, that day on the cold pavement I lost my "normal" youth. I broke several bones including a couple of vertebrae. The bones healed, the bruises faded, and eventually one day I looked "normal". But, I had changed. I had chronic pain in my back. 

My dream had been to travel the world in my twenties. I wanted to explore this planet we call home, go on back packing trips across Europe, relax on a beach in a tropical country and visit historical sites globally. With this accident, the recovery and back pain, this dream became bleak. 

After my recovery I visited my family doctor, numerous ERs, and urgent cares, but honestly I found no relief with medications, chiropractors or massage. At one point, I started to realize that my consistent visits to ER might come off as drug seeking even though that is not my intention. 

I spent numerous months on a wait list to see a physiotherapist that wouldn't cause me to go bankrupt, as I was barely working. Once I started the exercises, I found that relief I was looking for. I feel that I truly needed motivation to keep up my exercises and fight the demon within me that kept yelling "stop trying, what is the point". I do feel broken some days and that life is unfair. I was a healthy person with no illness, I rarely went to see a doctor but this accident changed my life by taking away my good health that I used to flaunt. 

Today, I feel better but there are days when the pain is bothersome. At this point I have decided to make my peace with "chronic back pain". I am a healthy individual. This pain can not stop me from continuing to live the life that i dreamed of for myself."

                                                                            - Anonymous

Sweet to the touch: Type 1 Diabetes

You must have heard of diabetes. Its incidence and prevalence is increasing in North America. But did you know there are two very distinct types of diabetes. Type ONE diabetes mellitus and Type TWO diabetes mellitus. Our story today is from an individual that has conquering the highs and lows of a type one diabetes mellitus diagnosis. 

Type I diabetes mellitus is a chronic condition in which the body mounts an attack against itself. The pancreas is the prime victim where destruction of the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas cause the body to have difficulties with automatically managing blood glucose levels. Insulin is a key player in managing the amount of sugar molecules present in the blood after meals, and when this player is MIA, external precautions are needed to prevent blood sugars from going into the DANGER zones. Type 1 diabetes is usually diagnosed in early childhood. The diagnosis brings with it increased risks for several neurological, heart, kidney and eye complications down the road along with a dependence on insulin therapy and strict monitoring of everything you eat. We can only imagine the discipline and strength one must need to tackle this beast of a diagnosis.

..........

"I was 13 years old when I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. After that life was a whirlwind of diabetes education, numerous follow ups and INSULIN. I want to take this opportunity to focus on how my experience with this diagnosis has been and my point of view on living with diabetes. 

As a teenager with diabetes, I was angry and scared. Angry that I got diabetes; angry that I couldn't be a "normal" teenager; angry at my fate. Alongside all the anger, I was petrified of what this disease could do to me. I have seen family members on dialysis because diabetes ruined their kidneys, I have seen my grandma deal with diabetes related nerve injury and I have seen her hospitalized for too low and too high blood sugar levels. I woke up most mornings anxious how my day will go, will I remember to take my insulin, will I eat enough, did my mom calculate the sugars in my meals for the day. It felt as if diabetes and blood-sugar levels were the center of my life. I prayed for a miracle to wake up one day and be healthy and that all this was just a terrible dream. 

Although I was headed towards a hollow place of self pity and loathing, my family and diabetes nurse prevented me from becoming a diabetic grinch. My nurse advocated for me to receive an insulin pump so I no longer had to worry about giving myself the insulin injection. My family started doing daily dinners that were friendly to the diabetic diet for my sake. I don't know if my dad truly enjoyed his meals but the smile on his face during dinner gave me so much comfort and took away some of my anxiety in that moment. 

As I got older, I created a routine for myself that helped me manage my diabetes and live my life. However, a change in life occurred when I started university. I stayed at home and drove to campus daily, I decided not to move cities or provinces for post secondary to maintain my support system. With that, I did not realize that there would be changes. I made new friends and no I did not disclose my health issues to them. I watched my friends eat out carefree and I wanted to fit in so I went out too. I stared at menus and noticed vegan, vegetarian, gluten free options but I had no idea what on the menu was diabetic person friendly. So simply put I ate the tiniest bit of salads while my friends devoured their pizzas or burgers or pastas. I did not want them to know I had diabetes which is why I never bothered to ask about the nutrition values or calculate the carbs in a potential meal. I know to some this may seem so minute, but to me it was a reminder that I am different because of my disease.

Now as an adult (-ish?), I reflect back and realized how much at first I allowed my diagnosis to take over my life. As I grew to understand diabetes I became more in control of my life. How you may ask? Well understanding what is diabetes helped me understand the purpose of my management plan and this definitely reduced my anxiety surrounding my treatment and helped me realize that with good control I have low chance of those scary hospitalizations. I obviously would not be able to achieve this huge milestone without the supports that I have gained during this journey. 

The one main take away I want to get across is that, YOU are in control of your body, you diagnosis or whatever the circumstance. At times you definitely might not feel this to be the case, but with support and change in perspective and a little tweaking of your definition of quality of life, it is possible to regain that control!

Now my diabetes does not control me, I control it!"

                                                                                                    -Anonymous

Resources:

1. https://www.jdrf.ca/

2. https://www.diabetes.ca/about-diabetes/type-1

The Difference of Emotions: Our Biases and Depression

Depression is an isolating pain. A pain affecting the soul, a pain that consumes all hope and leaks away pleasure and ambition. Individuals impacted by it have described the experience as: "Most closely connected to drowning or suffocating- but those images are off mark"- Styron and "The word depression is a wimp of a word for such a beastly experience."

First let's define some terms! Emotions are short lived, intense and triggered experiences whereas mood is a global feeling that colours an individual's perception. Mood can influence emotions. It is vital to know that there is a stark difference between a person who is depressed about something and a person who is globally depressed!

So why is it that the word "depression" in mainstream media and common conversation is overused to describe "just feeling low" and what is the harm of this? 

We express our emotions through a wide variety of words. The statement "I am sad" was not an uncommon way to speak about such emotions; but with the evolving years the term "sad", similar to "happy", has begun to lose its true place. It has become a common word, a word that doesn't seem to encompass the entire experience of sadness. And rightfully so, our experiences are all different. But here, we start incorporating stronger phrases, phrases such as "I am depressed". Following the flow of things, it hasn't taken long for the phrase and everything associated with it to become more and more status quo. Feeling depressed is all of a sudden a normal, transient feeling. One that anyone can "get over". This way of thinking is harmful because it washes away the experience of a person feeling truly depressed and invalidates their mental health condition. This stigma hinders the ability to seek help and effectively recover. 

Depression disorders are real, organic conditions of the psyche of a person. There are many things that can hinder with the levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain. Thus depression mood disorder is beyond the expression of the emotion sadness as a reasonable reaction to an event in life. The inflicted persons are truly in pain and suffering. This is not a mood that one can just "get over". The cause is complex and the path to recovery is not straightforward. If anything, the path is full of painful hurdles that need to be overcome and at any point the person can stagnate or start reverting if not closely monitored.

https://www.boredpanda.com/depression-through-art/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Illustration by Robert Carter, depicting what depression feels like. Many patients have described a feeling of entrapment and inability to ignore the internal cues. These internal cues can become so distressing that they become a risk factor for life. 

Depression disorders in medicine are diagnosed using the DSM-V criteria. This criteria tries to capture the experience of depression outside of stressors, substance use and medical conditions. The term used is "Major Depressive Episode" to describe a two week incident of non-stop symptoms and "Major Depressive Disorder"  if continuous episodes and the doctors have ruled out other psychiatric illnesses. So as you can see, there is a process to diagnosing depression disorder. It is not as simple as labeling a low emotion especially one secondary to life stressors as depressed. 

Opening our eyes to our own biases and perspectives is even more important today, where mental health is a true crisis. We can only empathize with individuals struggling with mental health by taking a moment to recognize the importance of individual experiences and stopping ourselves from labeling emotions as "nothing to worry about" or transient. Every emotion matters and being reflective of your own or others' accounts of emotion can truly go a long way in today's day. 

                                                                                        ~ D & R